Revelation

wow. just realised that i've had the most beautiful night that could be cut and pasted into any point in the timeline of past, present and future me. Even in those parallel transparent universes where i'll never go i would hold this night dear. It's that irreversible 'self' that evaded my conscious for so long that was there all the time. It was there on the nights when i was too young to join the party, when i'd sit on the landing and hug Gemma and think into the dark spaces of Revel Cottage. It will be there when i'm old and grey (or hopefully white) and will have lived a hundred lives. It's me, on my own, having been invited to several different places and deciding instead to stay here with myself, with good music, in a place where i can write and appreciate how unbelievable existence is. The clouds are scattered and pink across my outside view. In here I've got the glow from my laptop, Sade singing to me in a place outside of time and a feeling of more content than i could ever have in real-time. It all stops here, in these madrugada hours. You can pause, freeze-frame, think away from the present and just float...

"That bright blue sky..."

I realised that this had become a repeated phrase of mine last summer yet I can't explain it any other way. Madrid is encapsuled in this beautiful clean deep azure dome during the summertime that defies all of us who rot her skies. God, i've even resorted to the latin 'azure' to explain how blue it is! How the hell else can i describe it?!

It's like the sky i saw when i was wee. 4 years-old in the garden, having a party for the first Live Aid concert in '85. My sisters friends playing cricket with shards of hard French bread while i squeezed the hose at our big black dog...

7-years old and playing with David in the back yard. Inventing guns, warships, armadas... We'd cruise by our older siblings (bird-watching suckie individuals) and shoot them to shit. Laying in sticky sweat afterwards on the itchy lawn, we'd laugh against huge lung-fuls of anaerobic slack breath. Acid limbs hung limp at our extremities as we looked up into that incredible innocent deep bright blue sky...

Hop to a Halfords trip, anytime in my childhood. There'd be me and my dad and several planks of wood poking out the back of our trashy gold Ford Estate... Status Quo wailing from the casette player full blast and a pissed off mum ready to greet us in the drive with admonishing looks. Too much fun in the wood yard, you two. And what exactly are you doing with all that pine?! Blanket blue remained in the corners of my vision all the way through those days that seemed to last forever...

Renera

Un pueblecito en el medio de la nada. Población: 64 personas, pues, según al padre de Patxi pero creo que eso es un poquillo exagerado. Muy buen rollo. Hace unas horas estuvimos andando por el rio y las letras de "time" por Pink Floyd estaban corriendo dentro de mi cabeza:

"so we run and we run to catch up with the sun rays sinking..."

"we fritter & waste the hours in an off-hand way..."

"the sun is the same in a relative way but we're older,
shorter of breath and one day closer to death..."

Seguimos el sol hacía la casa y de repente era la hora de salir...

Tempting Apples

The discovery of a new band that will no doubt stay with me for a long time is quite a joyous occasion. Today I am just reeling again under the consecutive blows of loneliness that rain down in waves, in sheets, sometimes as a light patter that can be ignored and sometimes in a way that covers me like the sea. The undercurrent drags me back and forth against the rasping bottom but eventually pulls me back to safety. I hate emotions. They won't come when you call. They refuse the rule of logic and ignore the big strikey stick of will.

So that's a shame really.

This is the band though. They rock:

www.theorgan.ca